{a little dash of pink}

2009-07-12T06:05:00.000-07:00

Just a quick one as I'm heading off to bed...
The apron pattern I made up myself.

Bag pattern is here:
http://vintagericrac.blogspot.com/2008/01/1-hour-bag-tutorial.html

More photos...

2009-07-11T07:31:00.000-07:00

She'd be about 4mths in most of these.
A few from the KTP photoblog that I'll double post:

My second attempt at sewing. One of the little girls at kinder invited Ethan to her birthday party, so we made her an apron and he chose a kids cookbook to go with it. This fabric was supposed to be for her room (quilt etc) and I just thought I'd use it and buy some more. It's out of stock now though, so we ended up with pale pink and white for her room instead. Still nice, but I do like this one better.
Well I guess she can't smile every waking moment...
But she sure smiles a lot...

Wearing her heart monitor...

Ethan helping bath her...
Someone turned 4 just after Amelia was born (like a week!) and I didn't get his immunisations done within 28 days so they cut off my childcare rebate. Buggers. (Like I had a few other things going on in those 28 days!!) Anyway... he's jabbed now. Poor darling. He didn't think very much of it obviously. Think he wanted to tell the nurse where to put her bubbles LOL.

But he got over it... eventually.
They decided they like sleeping in the spare bed, which is next to our room, instead of in thier own room down the other end of the house. With Amelia in our room it means their end of the house is not being used at all... They love it, and I love that they love each other so much.

Long time no post

2009-07-11T06:56:00.001-07:00

but no news is good news. We are all chugging along nicely here, just crazy busy. School holidays add to the chaos. I'm exhausted and well and truely ready for them to go back to school next week LOL. I have loved having them home, but it's time. They need it too. They're starting to get a bit sick of each other I think.

So here's some catch up photos. These are from around April/May, so she's around 2.5-3.5mths, and they have kind of loaded in reverse order, and I don't have time to fix that right now, so lets just go with it hey...

Liam.... if I ever try and take a pic of Amelia and he see's me, he wants to be in it. He just can not get enough of her. He's about to head out the door to Auskick here, hence the footy top.

Remember I said I was going to attempt to sew. Here's my first attempt. I quite like it and it does get used.

Awww Daddy/Millie snuggles. Love.

She was fascinated by the light glass on the dark TV unit for a while there. She'd just stare and smile at it for ages. Who needs toys hey.

Early morning out the back. Still in our pj's (well I am).

Awww so tiny. Her NB nappy covers were all in the wash, so she's got a bigger one on (Thanks Cass xx) Look at those tiny legs :( She's grown up so much.

Will be back with more photos soon.

Some snaps.

2009-04-21T22:06:00.000-07:00

I finally got around to downloading the old point and shoot camera, so here are a few snaps of the past month or so. (in no order)

Snuggly in her new sling I made.

Nice *telling brett what to do* face.

We took all the kids to the museum during the holidays. Caught the train in. Unfortunatly my brother had to stay home with Mia because she came down with conjunctivitis. Will came along still though, with mum, dad and my sister. So 4 adults, 6 kids and 2 prams. The kids had a ball, although we didn't get around to seeing everything as they all started to get a bit tired and we wanted to beat the peak hour train traffic home.

Will and Liam atthe crazy mirrors. So, so funny!

Ethan on the music boxes as we all too 5 for a snack.

3D glasses for the dinosaur movie (we acrtually went because just before the holidays Liam had started asking a lot of questions about dinosaurs - what the world was like when they lived, how big are they etc) S l-r Will (5), Liam (7), Ethan (4) (its always the photographers child who doesn't look at the camera lol) and Aidan (6)

In with the bugs :)

The dinosaur Ethan hated.

The smallest one, the only one I could fit in the camera frame in one piece.

Lunch in the gardens. I think those birds thought Amelia looked quite tasty!

Bethany (2) (Aidan's sister/ my sisters little girl)

Some around home snaps. She's so tiny in that big bath.

Big smiles all round.

Early morning boobie feed.

2009-04-16T05:23:00.000-07:00

I just have to share this... those of you who know Brett will find it an absolute crackup.

http://vimeo.com/3965768

(just to clarify... it's not him)

In the Millie world... everything is going well.
She had another trip to the doctor today. She has conjuntivitis. That would be all three of my bubs who have had it really young. She's happy though. It's not bothering her. Heck, not much bothers her. She's such a happy content little thing. She's growing so fast and chubbing up so deliciously. Her thighs! Man I just want to pinch em. Softly of course.

I went out to camera club tonight. Was a bit boring really, but hey still got me out of the house. But gosh I missed my girl so much! I was glad she wanted to be fed when I got home as it gave me a chance to go snuggle with her in the quiet. Bliss.

I'm attempting to sew. I'll let you know how that goes. It will either go great and I'll show pics, or the machine will be shoved back in the cupboard for a while. Possibly a long while.

I had a huge clean out of my study. Those who have been here will know how BAD it was. Now it's just a bit bad on the desk. Thankyou IKEA.... we will be back soon.

I've been good and have been updating the photoblog every day, so pop on over there to see more pics of Amelia. I'm being lazy and not uploading twice. The KTP link in the sidebar will take you there.

What four words...

2009-04-02T04:32:00.001-07:00

... do you think of when you see my photos?

(yeah, bit off topic from Amelia, but I'm sure she won't mind me stealing a post... cos I need help)
HELP!!

Four words...
check the blog if you need a recap :)

Thanks heaps
(I'm looking forward to seeing what comes up - well as long as they are nice words LOL)

So far today:

2009-03-31T05:40:00.000-07:00

I've...
Got everyone ready and dropped off at school and childcare.
Gone to the doc (who, buy 9.30am was already running 1.5hours late)
Had Amelia immunised
Grocery shopped
Photographed a friends preggie belly
Finally finished editing Sarah's shoot
Done two loads of washing
Hung out one load, about to hang out the 2nd load
Folded the 4 loads of washing from the weekend
Put half of it away
Cook Pad Thai for dinner
Stalked the postie/courier for my new lens
Stalked the postie/courier for my new nappies
Stalked the postie/courier for my sample albums
Designed some tags and cards for work
Cleaned the kitchen and family room
Cleaned the ensuite
Picked everyone up from school and childcare
Listened to Liam's reader
Tidied his room (a little bit)
Half packaged Zoe's order
Updated the photoblog
Found my point and shoot camera.
Found the battery for the point and shoot camera and charged it.
Put Amelia in and out of the car 8 times.
Visited a neighbour (very quickly)
Got everyone showered (even Amelia got put in with Brett)
Cleaned out the fridge
Took out the rubbish
Looked at Amelia's (empty) scrapbooking album and told myself I can start it when these orders are out.
And fed and changed Amelia I don't know how many times.

Tomorrow's list will be just as big :)

quick update

2009-03-25T04:50:00.000-07:00

Amelia was 2mths old yesterday! Hard to believe in one way... in another way it seems like she should be 6mths old by now.

We had her RCH checkup today. It's exhausting going in there. Don't know how I did it every day. Must have just been running on adrenaline I think.

Cardiologist is happy with her. She's gained lots of weight and he's put her meds up to 1ml every 12 hours now. Also gave her the ok for immunisations. Not looking forward to those :(

Not sure if I recorded that she had her health centre check up. She was 8lb 9oz. Up a whole pound in a month!! She's the fastest weight gainer of all my bubs. She's now pretty much in 000 clothes. Still wearing her modern cloth nappies. Waiting on a delivery of more fabric so (mum) can make some more ;) Got the most adorable fabrics.

I've added a heap of photos of her to the KTP blog.

I've updated the KTP website too.

Still working on something else for the website. If you're in Melbourne and interested in a free shoot and discounted photos let me know and I'll send more details through as I work them out. (comment or email from KTP contact page on website)

My external hard drive is not playing nice and hasn't been for quite a while now. Everything is backed up so it's no problem really, but it's a pain in the tooshy all the same.

My little miss kept me up until 4.30am the other night. She continued with the games a while longer after that too, but Brett took her out to the lounge. The next thing I knew it was 7am, she was asleep in bed next to me, and he'd gone to work.

Liam had a school excursion yesterday (I think it was yesterday, so tired my days are mixed up). They walked to the beach and lifesaving club.

Okies... off to bed now.

Reflections... and a favour

2009-03-18T20:03:00.000-07:00

I believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we never get to understand what that reason is, and sometimes we do. Two months ago I woke up at 3am and realised my waters had broken - way too early. As I sat in hospital for the following days I did beat myself up about what I had done to make this happen and worrying about my baby's health. I put on a brave face most of the time, but I was wracked with guilt over it all. I had been working too hard, burning the candle at both ends so to speak. I told myself I wouldn't, but I did. Was that why she was comming early? Or was it the bruise on my tummy? I'd bumped my tummy really quite hard on the car door as I was trying to navigate toddler, pregnant tummy and car door in the garage. Had I done more damage that I'd originally thought? I was really scared at the prospect of her being born early and the problems that 'could' arise from it. Of course there was the chance that she could be born and cope with life as a full term bub would, but I guess the docs and obs have to warn you about the problems that may occur. And hearing it all did make me scared. I know my labour with Amelia was so much harder than the boys labours, because my mind didn't want to let my body let her out. I know in my mind I kept thinking she was safer in there. I was scared as they told me they didn't know how tiny she would be, and that I may not dialate fully, she could just come very fast before anyone was ready, and that as soon as I felt like I needed to push I had to tell them so they could get the peads and special care team in. It was all making me hold her in. It wasn't until I realised she was in more danger in that I let go. As soon as her heart rate plumeted I heard the change in my Ob and midwifes voices as they told me we needed her out NOW. Within a minute she was out. She had a very short cord, so she couldn't be lifted to me until it was cut. Once it was my midwife put her in my arms while she snapped the id tags on her ankles, popped her hat on her head, then told me she didn't like the way she was breathing and she had to go to Special Care now. And with that she was gone.

I had a quick shower and then went up to special care to see her. There was a swarm of doctors and nurses around her. I understood that that were all busy attending to her needs and I just had to wait. A minute or so later a nurse (the only one I had who wasn't exactly nice!) came over and started telling me things, but I remember not being able to take any of it in. I coulnd't remember what she was telling me as soon as she'd said it. Nothing she was saying made any sense, and I felt like I was going to faint. I told Brett I felt sick and he started to walk me back to my room. Then the (not very nice) nurse started to tell me off. "Excuse me, you can't leave yet I need to tell you about your baby" Brett explained that I was sick and he'd be back in a minute. "Well I'm going home in a minute and I need to tell you this now". (She knew I'd just given birth 15 minutes beforehand). Another special care nurse stepped in and told the bossy one that I was going back to my room and she walked me back, telling me not to worry, that Amelia would be ok and that they could tell me everything later. My midwife came and put something into my IV and I fell asleep.

I woke up 2hours later when Amelia's pead came into my room to tell me that they thought she had a lung infection common in strep B babies and that she may have to be transferred to Monash or Royal Childrens, but they'd put up the oxygen in her isolette as high as they could and they were just hoping her lungs didn't begin to colapse. Brett had gone home to sleep (I'd been in labour all night) and I called him in tears, but he didn't answer and I knew he'd be alseep and nothing would wake him up. So I sat in my room and cried. Our parents, sisters etc all came in to visit and we all trecked up to Special Care two-by-two to show them Amelia. I think I'll always have the vision of her lying on her tummy, struggling to breathe, with tubes and wires all over her and medical equipment beeping, and lights flashing and at the time not knowing what any of it meant. Watching her chest rise and fall and just seeing that it was so much work for her to just breathe. Two days later I was discharged from hospital. Walking out of those doors was hard. Walking out through a crowded foyer, carrying stacks of pink gift bags and a huge pink "It's a GIRL" floating balloon attracts a lot of attention. People look around for the baby. But we didn't have ours with us and I was sad. But while my heart was sad, my head knew that it wasn't all that bad. She was alive and doing well. Some people don't even get that. It would only be a matter of time and we would be walking out those doors with her.

Her 8th day (exactly 1 week old) was such a fanstastic day. We got into the hospital and she was tollerating her feeds so she could have the IV out. Brett was able to hold her for the first time. She was dressed and the plan for the day was to give her her first bath, dress her nice and warm and put her in an open cot to see if she could hold her temp. Everything was going so well and it was looking like we'd have her home within a week or so. We all went home on cloud 9. So excited and relieved.

Just after 7pm I was out at the clothes line, when Brett came out and told me I'd just missed a phone call from the hospital (answering machine caught it). I called them straight back and listened a bit dumbfounded as they told me we had to come in because Amelia's heart had just had a bit of a fit. Both boys were alseep on the couch and by the time I'd hung up the phone Brett had already yelled out to a neighbour to come over. We took off and made it to Frankston in record time. We raced into special care. She wasn't in her isolette, she was in the treatment room/surgery. They explained to us everything that had happened. Her heart monitor had alarmed. Her heart rate which is usually around 120-150bpm was showing up at almost 300bpm. Her beautiful nurse Patricia had checked her with to make sure it wasn't the monitor playing up and realised she was in SVT. She was taken to the treatment room and two peads tried to shock her back to a normal heart rythm. It took 55 mins. They were just about to inject her with adenosine, when she suddenly reverted. She had Xrays, and a scan on her heart, but everything showed up normal. It could have been a once off thing, or it may not have. Her tests results were all sent through to RCH. Brett and I were in, standing with her about 10.30pm when they came in and told us RCH had said they wanted her sent up. We were both in tears, we couldn't understand why it was happening, it had all come out of the blue. They'd called for the NETS (Newborn Emergency Transport Services) Ambulance to come and collect her. NETS are based at Royal Womens, so we had about 1.5hrs while we waited for them to arrive.

Watching her be packed off and wheeled out was SO HARD. Again the vision of standing at the hospital enterence, watching that ambulance drive away with my baby inside it just broke my heart. While one of us could have gone in the ambulance with her we knew that would mean we'd be stuck at the hospital 2hrs away from home with no car in the middle of the night. We were already exhausted, so we decided the best thing to do was to go home and sleep and head up there first thing in the morning. Neither of us even knew how to get the hospital! We went home and while I was in the shower (crying again LOL) her nurse from the ambulance called to say they'd handed her over to RCH and that she had been fine the whole time. She hadn't even woken up.

She spent two weeks in 7 West (the cardiac ward) at RCH. Every day I went in to see her. I'd get up at 6am to call the hospital and see how she was overnight, and express before getting the boys up and ready for school. I'd drop Liam at school at 8.45, then drive out to Brett's parents to drop Ethan off with them. Then drive to my mums house and park my car there. Mum would pack my lunch for me every day. Dad would drive mum and I to the train station and we'd catch the train in to Melbourne Central, walke up the street and catch the tram to the front doors of the hospital. We'd get in there about 11.30am. We'd spend until about 4pm just cuddling our girl. (She seriously didn't get put back in her bed unless the doctors needed to to an ecg or check her LOL) Everyone would say to me "well you know she's in the best place" and while my head knew that was right, my heart just wanted to yell "NO, the best place for her is in my arms!" It was so nice to be able to hold her while she was at RCH though. Because she had her IV in again she could only be moved about 1m from her bed if that. So to weigh her the scales had to be bought right up to her bed and we'd be squishing in to put her on the scales, and the same with bathing her. I was able to do some Kangaroo Cuddles with her (skin to skin). Because we live quite a long way away, I was offered Ronald McDonald house to stay in, but I felt I needed to be home at night to maintain some sort of normalicy for the boys, especially as it was the first week back at school for Liam, and Ethan's first week of kinder. On the weekends though I stayed at her bedside. Because I was breastfeeding I could have free meals at the hospital, but I didn't end up doing that either, because mum always packed my food for me. (I think she knew I wouldn't eat if she didn't make me. Bless her :) ) So each day at 4pm mum and I would kiss our beautiful girl goodbye, catch the tram, and then the train home. Dad would be waiting at the station for us, drop us back at their house where I'd pick up my car, drive to Brett's parents, pick up the boys (they'd picked Liam up from school) and drive home. Then I'd call the hospital again every night to see how she was.

Each day/few days they'd make some sort of progress with her meds. Sometimes we'd think we found the right dose of medication, and then the SVT's would occur again. I never knew what I was going to hear when I called the hoppital. Some days they'd say she'd been great and had none, other times they'll tell me she had 3 overnight. They changed her over to a different drug and slowly upped the amounts on that and eventually got to a level where they knew it would hold off the SVT's.

I was so busy I didn't let myself stop and think too much at the time. It's reflecting back on it all now that I am reminded of how everything happens for a reason. While I beat myself up about what I had done to cause her to be born early, the simple fact is that it saved her life. If she had not been in special care, on monitors, we would have had no idea that there was anything wrong with her heart. We would have taken her home from hospital, and not have known anything until she went into cardiac arrest.

Our bub is with use today (like so many other bubs around Australia) because of the brilliant care she received at both Frankston hospital and Royal Childrens Hospital. You just can not put a price on your baby's life, and you just can not thank a team of doctors, nurses and specialists enough. The treatment Amelia received was nothing short of brilliant, and none of it cost us a cent. We go back every month to see her cardioligist. One of the leading specialists in Australia... and it does not cost a cent.

And as for the favour:
Well Amelia isn't the only bub to use this brilliant facility. My gorgeous friend Kylie, has also had quite a bit of experience with them :) To read about what she's doing, and help out read here

Time ran out and I have to do the school run... sorry to cut that post short (LOL SHORT!!?)

2009-03-13T19:31:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe our little princess has been home with us for a month now. It's all gone so fast - in a bit of a blur really LOL. This week she has been back to her usual self again. Feeding well and settling AND sleeping inbetween. We even get a bit of awake time now. That's exciting. I'm sure last week was just a growth spurt, as she's pretty much outgrown the little suits I had to go and buy a few weeks ago. And her Itti Bitti nappies now fit... so I bought another two. Couldn't resist. Mum made a huge stack of newborn sized modern cloth nappies for me while I was pregnant and she wears them all the time, except for overnight when she wears a sposie... only so I don't have to change her if she's only weed. But geez sposies STINK. Her wet cloth nappies don't smell at all. (you needed to know that hey - well I am keeping this as a record too ;) ) Anyway I think it will soon be time to pack up those newborn nappies too, so I bought a few more Itti's.

I have not 'officially' started back at work yet, but I did have a few past clients have newborns so I've been doing a few shoots. It's so good to get back into it. My phojo is back and I'm loving taking pics again. So.... here are a few more of my babes (can't say 'the boys' anymore can I).

Pic of me was taken by Kylie.

The last one was taken almost a month ago now! On her second day home. She had better not loose that hair!

Now I need to go take some snapshots so I can do some scrapping.

And on that... who's going to Crop for Kids? I'm going to work out a way to get there for sure. I remember working on it the past two years and saying "I've never had to use RCH, hopefully I'll never have to". Gee how quickly things can turn around :) So scrappers, go check it out and come if you can!!

I got one!!!

2009-03-11T06:20:00.001-07:00

Found a willing subject!

Not sure if it was because:

a. He adores her and will drop what he's doing for her 99% of the time; or

b. Because the other option was bed, and he knew he was staying up later than Ethan (by a whole 2 minutes)

Either way I don't care. I don't have a decent pic of Liam for a long, long time, and I am so in love with this shot I could seriously cry LOL

Now I need bed!

Getting organised again...

2009-03-11T01:06:00.000-07:00

...I've been adding posts to the Photog Blog again, and there are a few piccies of Amelia over there now too.

Amelia has had a happy day again today. She's back to what she's been like, up until she put cranky pants on last week. I hope she stays like this now! Not sure if it's a growth spurt, cos she sure has grown a HEAP this week and has been feeding non stop. Really starting to fill out and look oh so delicious. Will be interesting to see what she weighs this week.

I've been trying to get some pics of her with Brett and/or the boys, but do you think we can ever organise it to happen. Either Brett's out, boys are tired, she's cranky or I can't be stuffed... or there's no natural light. I put my studio lights back up again this week though, so can use those now I guess.

I tried to start one of her scrapbook albums this past weekend, and I pulled out Ethan's to compare the notes I'd made for him. I nearly died when I looked at his pics.... complete carbon copy... little clone. So then I pulled out Liams and he too looks so much like her.

Anyway, just a post to let you all know that there's not much happening at the moment, and she's all good :)

Photo fun

2009-03-09T03:28:00.000-07:00

Last week my gorgeous friend and fellow photogie Kylie came for a photo play date. We subjected poor Amelia to quite a few hours of posing while the two M's (kylie's girls) played with the Ethy-bug. I (in my usual form) have still not even downloaded my shots, but Kylie already has some up on her blog. (you'll need to scroll down a post or two). Go check out my princess -

http://kylieclark.com/blog/

My other baby

2009-03-05T02:23:00.000-08:00

While one baby decided to arrive over a month early, the other baby got pushed back 9 months, but is now ready... well it's not quite, but it's close enough to at least show now LOL What am I talking about? (Because heck no I'm not pregnant again!!)

www.katietolandphotography.com.au

It was *supposed* to be up and running by July last year, but a certain little miss and some morning sickness got in the way of that, followed closley by a Christmas rush. So then I aimed to finish shooting in December, use January to get shoots/orders/paperwork etc all up to date, and use February to work on the site. BUT, as we all know January and February turned out to be quite an exhausting challenge.

I still need to add a lot of text to the site, and I still need to add music, pricing info etc, which I will do very soon. But for now I need to get a maternity shoot I did before Amelia was born out, and I have a newborn from last week to edit, and then I have two more newborns in the next two weeks. Then it will be April, and I'll officially start back up again.

As for the first baby: She's doing great. We had a health centre checkup last friday. She's 7lb 9oz (3440g). It was her due date on Saturday and her weight is flat bang between the boys birth weights. She would have been a boofer though had she gone full term. I count a big baby as anything over 8lb, so I nearly died when my midwives and the pead said she would have been around 10lb LOL I DON'T DO 10lb BABIES!!

She's getting a bit fed up with being hauled all over the place at the moment, and we've just had 3 days of constant crying/screaming, which is so unlike her. I thought she might have had a bit of colic so we went for a visit to my gorgeous friend and neighbour Amanda for a baby massage mini lesson. It helped a little, but she was still quite unsettled so we went and got some colic drops that won't affect her heart meds but she was still not quite right. (I've also checked her heart about a million times and it's fine, so it's not that upsetting her). So I think she was also a bit overtired, so I've tried really hard to not go out more than I absolutly have to today. But I obviously still have to do a school run in the morning, then a kinder run at lunch time, then school and kinder pickups in the afternoon. Liam's been great though and comming out to meet me at the pick up point, so I don't have to get Amelia out of the car. Tonight she's been a lot better than she has for the past few nights, so hopefully she's feeling better.

No wonder I feel tired LOL

28.02.2009

2009-02-27T18:43:00.000-08:00

Today is the day I was due to give birth. And on that, I only have two things to say.

1. Thank God it's over
2. Thank God I never have to do that again

:)

But of course it was all more than worth it.

[4 weeks old]

2009-02-27T00:24:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow Amelia will be 5 weeks old. And tomorrow is the day she was due to be born :)

This week she's had her hearing test back at Frankston. All went well with that. She just has to have another one later in the year because she was on antibiotics for the first 5 days of her life and apparently antibiotics in early infancy are linked to hearing loss... they didn't tell me that at the time, but then again they were thinking her lungs were about to colapse, so we didn't have much choice anyway. But, so far so good. We're hoping this little miss has given us all the worry that she's going to.

We also had her appointment with her cardiologist again. In a nut shell, everything is going good, so we are going to keep doing the same and see him again in a few weeks. In the mean time he's written to Frankston Hospital introducing/explaining her so we can go there in emergencies as it's 1.5hrs closer than RCH. She'll still end up at RCH, but at the time of emergency we'll at least be able to get her to the closest big hospital to ger her stable before transferring up to RCH. Some babies can start to be worn off the meds, but as she had it quite bad (she had 1-2 episodes every 24hours, comared to 1 or 2 episodes ever) so he's not even looking at reducing her meds until she's at least 12mths old, and they'll be increased/changed as needed in that time.

We ended up taking the boys up with us to RCH. They've never been on a train before and with peak hour traffic we decided the train would be easier. Brett carried Millie in the sling and she loved it. The boys just loved the train as we knew they would. (much more fun than going to school).

I've become very good at checking her heart now. Used to take me quite a few minutes, now I have it with the stethescope within a few seconds, or if I don't have the stethescope on me I can just check her pulse in her upper arm or ankle.

Some piccies of our princess settling in at home:

Her playmat.

Little Brett or what! Toland frown there.

Proud big brother. He just adores her:

Awwww *sniff*

"love you Bemelia, you're so cuuuute, and gorgeous and bootiful"

In her swing (thanks Aunty Sammy and Aunty Sharnie) xx

Mumma cuddles (again!)

And some photo plays (natural light):

24.02.2009 [1 month old]

2009-02-23T15:17:00.000-08:00

HAPPY ONE MONTH BIRTHDAY MILLY!

Geez what a month it's been! You can tell she's nearing her due date. She's actually opening her eyes for a little while each day now and looking around. She seriously did not open her eyes for more than a second before and that was usually only when someone jabbed her with a needle. She's also developing her cry. Up until a few days ago (probably even yesterday really) she sounded more like a squeeky toy... or a lamb. But now she's got a cry. And boy did she use it overnight! OK, so she wasnt' that bad, she settles very quick after feeding and generally only cries if she has wind, or is hungry. But last night she was hungry every 1.5-2hours! I'm stuffed LOL Thank goodness Brett is still home and could do the boys. Lord knows what they have gone to school and childcare actually looking like, but hey, beggers (or sleepers) can't be choosers ;)

Last night after her medicine she did a massive chuck. Great... so how much of her meds did she throw up? We can't just give her more because it can slow down her heart too much. Too much medicine is more dangerous than not enough, so we kept an eye on her all night and gave her this mornings dose. All was well and she's still ticking along nicely.

She has her hearing screen today. She was supposed to have it before she left special care, but seeing as she was rushed out of there in the middle of the night it didn't get done. Then it was assumed she'd go back there after RCH so would have it done there. But we skipped that and ended up going straight home. So we have to go back and have it done today.

Then tomorrow back up to RCH to see her cardiologist again. We have to be there at 9.45am. Hmmm so that means we have to drop Liam off at a neighbours at about 6.30am (who will then take him to school) and then drop Ethan off at mum's at 7.00am (who will take him to kinder later on) and then leave for the peak hour rush to get to Melbourne.

I have some snaps of Amelia I'll add soon (when I download them - I hate downloading pics and I'm so lazy about doing it.)

Must get ready for hearing test.

20.02.2009 [27 days old]

2009-02-20T04:57:00.000-08:00

The Maternal Child Health Nurse came to visit today for Amelia's first official checkup. Poor child is almost a month old and has not had her newborn exam, or her two week assessment recorded - but with the amount of tests she's had, I'm sure we have all the details, just on a million pieces of paper instead of in her neat little book.

She's doing wonderfully. Still feeding 3 hourly, although last night she fed at 11pm then not again until 3am and then 7am. The night before she'd fed almost every hour and I was stuffed by morning, then she decided she was going to sleep all day and I decided she wasn't. She won. It's actually REALLY hard to wake a baby up if they don't want too LOL. So I was thinking I'd have another marathon feed night, but she was good to me.

As of today (just after a feed) she weighed 3070g (6lb 7oz)... We've popped the 3kg mark :) She put on 190g in 8 days (much better than Liam's 10g a week!) I don't have a lenth for her yet. Sure I could measure her myself, but who has time to worry about that, and third baby... it's not like shes going to be shrinking.

I had to pack up one of her suits. She outgrew it already :( Brett's sister bought her some tiny clothes when she was born, but she only ended up wearing clothes once at Frankston, and not for long. They constantly need access to the tubes and wires and stickies, so it's easier to just have them nude, and being in the isolette, she was warm.

Now, my next predicament... I need a photo for a canvas. And I can't choose. Any opinions on either of these, or any from the last set? I also need to choose a photo for her (our) thankyou's and as much as I love these, the first thing people comment on when they see her is her hair, and there will be thankyou's going out to people who have never seen her, so as much as I love this hat, I need a pic with her hair showing. I took some more tonight, but she looks like a boy in them LOL Need some pink. (did I just say that?)

OK, I need sleep. And she's just waking up.

18.02.2009

2009-02-18T00:28:00.000-08:00

Just for the record... I don't think I've ever mentioned that Amelia has two birth weights. I think in the rush to get her to special care someone got mixed up. She has both 2640g and 2685g recorded. I've just looked through photos of her birth and I remembered telling Brett to get a pic of the numbers on the scales when he went up to special care with her. The pic I have says 2685g. Also just did a google for the pounds conversion (especially for GG lol) and it makes her 5lb 9oz.

Yesterday while Liam was at school and Ethan was at childcare Brett, Amelia and I hit the shops to get our girl some smaller clothes. 4x0 Bonds Wondersuits fit her perfectly, but we've always used them as pj's, and well I don't want her in her jammies all day long. (even if she is asleep all day long!) And yes... I got pink. I nearly bought red in one suit and then decided to go for the pink. It's happening already LOL (for those who didn't know, I didn't really like pink before Miss Milly).

Today I had to go into Medicare to put in the forms for Amelia. Talk about jumping through hoops. Woman in there made me want to cry. Can't believe I've held myself together for the past three and a half weeks (although I did cry a lot in those weeks) and now the woman in Medicare makes me want to cry LOL. What's with that? Can I blame it on hormones still?

Well better go read with the boys before Amelia wakes up for a feed. She's been asleep 3.5hours now. I want to wake her up so I can cuddle her LOL. Naughty mummy.

13-17.02.2009 [20-24 days old]

2009-02-17T02:30:00.000-08:00

Just an update to say all is still going well. Amelia has now gone over one week with no SVT. We're being very diligent with her meds, and thankfully she takes them well with no fuss at all. They have to be given at 8am and 8pm on the dot, so thankfully she even takes it in her sleep quite happily. We check her heart every time we feed/change her, which is every 3hours at the moment. It's all becoming less daunting as time goes on. So far she's such an easy baby. She just grizzles every 3hours to let us know she's awake and would like some food, and because she's still very little she needs to be fed frequently still. When ever anyone sees her they always comment on how tiny she is, but to Brett and I she has grown SO much! Looking at her feet I know they are so much bigger than they were when she was born. I wish I could have stamped her footprints when she was born, but obviously with IV's and all the technical bits on her feet it would have been next to impossible, had I even had the thought or energy to have done it then. There were much more important matters on my mind then hey LOL.

We have our appointment booked for next week with the Cardiologist, so yet another trip back into the city. While the travel back and forth each day may be exhausting, there are a heck of a lot of families in the Cardiac ward where Amelia was, who all travel from interstate, leaving behind a lot of their family and support people. And there is nothing like a trip around the RCH to realise, that we are so, so lucky. We have NOTHING to worry about, when we see other families. Don't get me wrong, at the time it's all happening, it's as scariest thing in the world, but putting things into perspective sure helps you move forward.

Liam got Student of the Week last week for 'adapting so well during his first week back at school, with a new baby in the family and mum away at the Royal Childrens Hospital' I thought that was so sweet of them to recognise him like that. Made him feel very special.

Ethan is still enjoying kinder. He has a little cold at the moment, so hopefully he doesn't decide to share it with Amelia, and it stays little and is gone quick.

Brett... well he pretty much shaved his head. That's about all the news I can think of for him right now. But he's good. He's always good :)

Miss Milly and I had a very quick play with some piccies the other day. I bought the beanie while I was pregnant and wondered if her head would fit into that tiny beanie... needless to say the beanie is HUGE on her. I just adore that hat, fell in love with it the second I found it, and had to have it... regardless of the ridiculous amount I paid for it LOL. I also bought a new lens while I was pregnant. I bought it at the start of December and just wanted it delivered by the time she was born. Huge mixup, they ordered the wrong one from Nikon, took forever to get to here and then, as you know, baby decided to try and arrive 6 weeks early. But with perfect timing Brett bought the lens in to hospital the day before she was born. But then I hardly used it, so this is my first play with it really, and still making friends with it.

12.02.2009 [19 days old]

2009-02-13T15:45:00.001-08:00

Guess what!...

SHE'S HOME!!!

They had said to me on Tuesday there was a possiblity she could be comming home on Thursday as long as everything continued to go well. We knew how quickly everything could turn around though, so we decided not to tell the boys until we knew for sure she was comming home, as Liam would have just been devistated if he knew, and then she didn't come home. Mum was with me when the docs told me, so only mum, Brett and I knew. Then Wednesdays ECG showed up the extra signals in the top chambers, and that put a question mark on whether she'd come home or not. I couldn't even let myself think about her comming home. She had to wear the holter monitor for 24hours, and then have Thursdays ECG, and there was not allowed to be ONE hickup on either of those. Brett took Thursday off to come in. We hid the capsule in the boot of the car, dropped Liam off at school, dropped Ethan off at Brett's parents and headed up to the city. They took the Holter monitor off her before the 24hours, and went off to download/read it, and the Cardio came to do the ECG (was like watching grass grow). The doc came in to take the ECG printout and went off to read it. About 30mins later she came in waving. I looked at her a bit puzzled I think, because she said "I'm waving goodbye! You're free to go!!" OMG EXCITED!! Just one more visit from the pharmacist to explain about her drugs and we packed her up and headed home. It took us over 3hours to get to Brett's parents place. It took us 1hr to get from Flemington Road (RCH) to the casino! And the whole way I was constantly turning around and checking on her like a nervous first time mum. LOL

It was 7pm by the time we got to Brett's parents. They got the shock of their lives when they saw Brett standing at the door and realised he was holding her. There were tears everywhere, which was so beautiful. She had lots of cuddles while we ate our dinner, and then packed everyone into the car (they'd picked up Liam from school) and then headed off to show GG (Great Gran/Brett's Nanna), who had never seen her yet.

Finally about 10.30pm we got home. It's SO NICE to be a complete family, all together under one roof.

Oh and should add the original plan was that once RCH had her heart issues sorted out she was supposed to head back to Frankston to get her feeding and any remaining premmie issues sorted out. But she's feeding so beautifully we were able to bypass Frankston and head straight home :)

11.02.2009 [18 days old]

2009-02-11T03:05:00.000-08:00

Her daily ECG this morning showed impulses comming from a few different areas in the top chambers (it should only come from one). The extra impulses were being corrected by the central node and only it was only letting one impulse out (making one heart beat, which is what we want). So the central node is doing it's job, and filtering out the extra impulses, not letting them become extra heartbeats. At the moment it's not causing a problem, but they want her to wear a halter monitor for another 24hours, (so they can download everything her heart has done for the 24 hours and study it) to check it out and decide whether it will be a problem or not. As of 4pm this afternoon, when we left the hospital, the cardio's had still not been up to put it on.

Such a waiting game...

Oh, and for some reason her cardiologist has been changed again and she's back under Rob again instead of Andrew. Have no idea why that is.

10.02.2009 [17 days old]

2009-02-11T00:23:00.000-08:00

No SVT's overnight or today. Docs are starting to discuss discharge plan, which includes training me to use the stethescope and be able to check her heartrate, what to do when she's in SVT, when the panic and when not to, how to administer her meds and a possible date for discharge.

She's feeding beautifully. Breast feeding if I'm there, and bottle with Haberman teat if I'm not there. She's maintaining her temp quite well now. She had moments where her heartrate will drop too low (around 70bmp), but it comes back up on it's own after a few seconds. They don't seem too concerned about it.

Mum and I gave her a bath today. Mum comes in with me most days, as Brett is back at work. It's a two person job to bath her, as someone needs to hold her IV arm out of the water. She LOVES her baths, and usually falls asleep in them. Actually she just usually sleeps full stop. The nurses all say she's so easy. All she does is eat, sleep and poo. Hopefully she'll keep that up when we do eventually get home :) They are also impressed with her feeding now that she's sucking. They say she drinks beautifully from the bottle, is done in 10mins, sits up and burbs then goes off to sleep. She's such a sweet little angel. Her nurses are all so in love with her too LOL. One of her nurses came into me at 6am on Sunday morning, when I was feeding her, and they'd just been doing their change over. She said "they're all out there talking about how pretty your baby is" LOL Of course I think she's adorable anyway.

Need to download photos and add some to previous posts, so will just bath the boys and then do that.

09.02.09 [16 days old]

2009-02-09T12:31:00.000-08:00

She made it all day and night Saturday, all day and night Sunday with no SVT, and then had another one at 7.30am Monday morning. Meds are upped and we wait again.

Temp wise, she's starting to hold her temp, but needs to be heavily wrapped. At night she still needs the heater on in her cot.

My sister came in with me todat, but I didn't get a pic of her with Amelia unfortunatly. Dad had a meeting in the city too, so he came up after that and had his first cuddle too.

Nasel gastric tube out! How sweet are those lips.

Poppy cuddles.

08.02.2009 [15 days old]

2009-02-07T22:49:00.000-08:00

Staying overnight has the advantage of being able to catch the Doctors doing their rounds in the morning, as I have buckley's chance of getting in to RCH by 8am. They were happy there were still no SVT's, but it's still early on the new drug. They thought they were winning on Propanalol for a while there, and then she had another episode of it. They are very happy that she is breastfeeding and topping up with Haberman teat. Nasel gastric tube can come out! The IV needs to stay in until she goes home though, as they need access to her vein to put the Adenosine in if needed. Her heartrate is a bit lower on the Sotalol - around 102bmp. Today we dressed her in a shortie suit (short sleeve because of the IV) and wapped her, then switched off the heater on her cot, to test if she can hold her own temp. She got a bit cold (36.1), so they added a blanket, and she was doing ok. See how she goes over night and she may be able to go into an open cot.

Brett's parents came in to visit and had their first cuddle of her.

15 days old already. It's going so fast! I have to keep telling myself that she really shouldn't still be here yet. But so much for taking nice curly newborn photos before she was 10 days old. Wasn't really counting on those pice being in a hospital, with tubes and wires LOL. I'm sure I'll make up for it soon enough.

My sister is comming in with me tomorrow.

07.02.2009 [2 weeks old]

2009-02-07T22:43:00.000-08:00

Happy two week birthday sweetheart :) xx

Amelia's cardiologist has been changed. She's been picked up by Andrew Davies who is the rythem specialist at RCH, and specialises in SVT. So that has to be a good thing. Today he ordered daily ECG's be done, and changed her drug from Propanalol to Sotalol. (more for my recods as I'm sure it doesn't interest anyone else). Propanalol is short acting, so it's the drug they always start on, incase there is a problem with it, it's out of their system sooner. Once they can tolerate that, they can be changed to other drugs if needed. The Propanalol was still not working on Amelia even after 3x 3ml doeses a day, so she's now on 2x 3ml doses of Sotalol. So far, so good. I stayed in the hospital overnight and breast fed her every 3hours. Most feeds she'll take about 25ml from the breast and then needs to be topped up with the other 25ml via her nasel gastric tube or bottle with Haberman teat. So far today, so good. No SVT's since the one on my lap yesterday.

Eyes open! It doesn't happen often.

more mumma cuddles:

06.02.2009 [13 days old]

2009-02-07T22:29:00.000-08:00

Mum came into the hospital with me again today. I was able to breastfeed Amelia twice which was nice. I've had lots of people say to me 'why bother' and 'you have enough on your plate without worrying about that' etc, but I really want to breast feed her. I wanted to before she was born, but after giving birth to her and not even being able to touch her for almost a week, let alone cuddle her, I'm really craving that contact with her. So we'll give it our best and see what happens :) Plus the fact that she was having tummy trouble for a while, I didn't want her having formula that was harder for her to digest. So today I breastfed her at 11am and again at 2pm. At 2.30pm, just after her 2pm feed she was lying on a pillow on my lap, looking lovley and relaxed when all of a sudden the alams all went nuts. I asked mum what the monitor was saying (it was behind me from where I was sitting) and she said 'it's 275'. I said 'that's it, she's in SVT' and the next second nurses, docs and cardios all came running in. I swear she looked no different at all. I would never have knows she was in SVT if the alarms didn't go off, which really scared me. They took her out of my arms, put her on her bed and checked her over before icing her. I can not tell you how horrid it is to see that happen. She didn't respond to the ice, so they injected the Adenosine into her IV. Within seconds her heart rate dropped back down to 120ish, and then she threw up everywhere. Her Dr said if it happens at home we have to call an ambulance, ice her until the ambulance gets there and if she's still not out of it, then the ambo's will be able to give her the adenosine. It needs to go into her vein, so it's not something I can give. After an episode of it, she will need to go back into hopsital to have her drugs changed, as they are obviously not holding her out of it anymore. It was not nice to see at all, and Friday night I just didn't have it in me to type it all out here again - hence the late update.

5.02.09 [12 days old]

2009-02-04T15:32:00.001-08:00

Ethan had a great first day at kinder. It was only a short session to start with, but he loved it, and he's back again this afternoon, and looking forward to that. He's 4 today!! Happy birthday my big boy. He had a family party on Saturday at my sisters house, and so tonight we're just having birthday cake after dinner, and a few neighbours are popping in for cake.

Liam's enjoying grade 1, although he's been a bit nervous in the mornings. He's settling in well once he's there and found some friends.

Amelia: We went up to visit her last night as soon as Brett got home from work. She's just so beautiful. I really, really needed to just hold her and touch her. I missed her so much. I held her till I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore and then we headed home. I crashed into bed the second I walked in the door and then slept through my alarm (and Brett's alarm too) this morning. Woke just in time to get Liam ready and off to school. Amelia had one episode of SVT overnight, but thankfully it was short (about 20 seconds) and then she came out of it on her own. I think I mentioned yesterday that her drugs had been increased. Her nurse last night said it could take months to get her drugs right :( I'm trying not to look too far into the future at the moment. Will download some pics and try and get them up here today.

PM update: She had another SVT at 9.20am (obviously RCH are not going to call me when she has them!) She had to be given adenosine again to bring her out of it. She's now on 3ml of Propanalol (was on 1ml initially then 2ml). If she has another one overnight she'll be put on a different drug tomorrow (satalol?)

03.02.09 [10 days old]

2009-02-03T03:43:00.000-08:00

She had a good night last night, no SVT's. Mum and I went into the hospital and she was great all day. She wouldn't suck today though, her nurses said most likley because she's jaundiced and sleepy. Spoke to her cardiologist who was lovley and very re-assuring. Spoke about the drug she's on now, that they are upping the dose, and if she tolerates it will change to another drug which only has to be given once a day, instead of three times a day. Had a lesson in listening to her heart, and they described the best way to bring her out of an SVT, by icing her and how to do it, and that when it happens we need to get her out of it and then ring an ambulance to take her to RCH. I came home, picked up the boys, did dinner, baths etc and got them into bed.

At 10.30 the hospital called. She had another SVT at 9.10. They iced her and she didn't come around, so they used the gag reflex and she still didn't come around. So they had to inject her with drugs to bring her out of it. What the hell is wrong with my baby! How the hell can I take care of her?

ETA: I woke just after 4am, with a gut feeling I needed to call the hospital. I called and she'd just had another episode. Again, they had to use the drugs to get it down. Called again later in the morning and got one of the nurses to explain about the meds a bit better to me. Basically they are upping the dose she's on, but that have to do it very slowly because it can cause her heart to beat too slow, and also reduces her blood sugar levels. It's killing me to not be in there today, but it's Ethan's first day of kinder (yeah, that's right - remember those poor other kids I also have!) and I really want to be there to take him to kinder on his first day. It's also his birthday tomorrow. We had a smallish party planned, which got downscaled to family only party when Amelia arrived... which then was pretty much cancelled when she was taken to RCH. Thankfully my sister stepped in and had it at her house, so although Brett and I couldn't be there, Ethy still got his birthday cake (made by my SIL) and spent a fun afternoon with his all of cousins and grandparents - both mine and Brett's side.

All of our family and friends have been so wonderful. From the minute my waters broke the boys have been passed around from house to house, we've had dinners delivered... everything we could need and more has been offered. We are so greatful. And the presents... the mailbox is full almost every day LOL Thankyou so much for the beautiful gifts. Now we just need to get Miss Milly sorted out and home!

More photos:

Mumma cuddles.

Nanna cuddles: (mum has been awsome, dropping everything to come in each day with me so I don't have to do it all alone - plus I think she likes the cuddles ;) ).

Her heater bed. One of those zillion wires is a thermometer which attaches to the heater and the heater adjusts itself to keep her at the right temp. Very clever hey :)

02.02.09

2009-02-02T01:44:00.000-08:00

Well my little girl has SVT (Supraventricular tachycardia). Basically the electrical impulses in her heart go a little nuts sometimes. There's no trigger for it for her, and not always any signs that it's going on. She has to go onto beta blocking meds, which will reduce her heart rate all the time, and hopefully prevent it happening. We had to buy a stethescope, and every time we change her nappy or at any time she looks 'different' check her heart. Ice her if needed and call Royal Childrens.... well that's what we've been told so far anyway. Do you think I'm going to sleep AT ALL from now on? This is my third baby. I was supposed to be so relaxed and enjoy her so much. And now I'm just freaking scared! Around 12 months of age they can sometimes start to wean off meds. I can not tell you how much I hope and pray that it's something she will grow out of. It's not related to being prem.

On the up side today she had her first breast feed. If she's been well enough to handle lately we've been trying to get her to latch on, while she's tube fed. She never sucks though. Today the nurse asked if we should weigh her first (so they can see how much she drinks) and we said 'nah, she won't drink'. Well what do you know, she went on and sucked for about 20 minutes (out of about 30mins she was on). So proud of her. I am so in love with her. She's every thing I dreamed of. I hate that she's not here with me, that she's not well. I know it's not the worst thing in the world, and I'm probably feeling it worse at the moment because I'm feeling a bit emotionally drained and exhausted.

She's still at RCH and will be while they work out her meds, and then will hopefully be sent back to Frankston.

01.02.09

2009-01-31T14:06:00.000-08:00

We had a brilliant day yesterday. We got into the hospital, and she'd been keeping down her milk (full feeds 32ml every 2 hours.) so the IV was out! She was dressed and we got to give her a bath and a cuddle. Brett cuddled her for the first time, and he also bathed her. Such a great day for her 1 week birthday. We floated home on cloud nine.

Then about 7pm the phone rang. Her heart rate had suddenly doubled and was beating around 300bpm. They took her and put ice on her head which is supposed to shock her, make her take a huge breath and return her heart to normal rythem. They had to do it 3 times before it worked, just as they were about to give her medication. They had to put the IV back in, and she's nil-by-mouth again. They did tests and took xrays and couldn't find anything wrong with her heart physically. They sent the test results through to Royal Childrens, who said they wanted her in there. So NETS ambulance were sent out and she was packed up and shipped off to the city. (While I obviously bawled my eyes out).

I'll update again later. We're heading off to the city now.

UPDATE: She's had another episode again at 10.30pm. 280bpm lasting 10 mins. (the first one lasted 55 mins) They shocked her with ice again and it came back to normal. She's wearing a halter monitor which will have recorded it, and they'll look at that in the morning and also do the ecg. I'm a bit shitty that no one bothered to call me, and I only find out because I call an hour later. I might be being a bit precious... but sometimes this motherhood stuff sucks. I hate that she is so far away from me, I feel so lost without her, and I'm having a big old sook about it.

Some photos:

Tuesday night [3 days old] giving my precious girl a cuddle, its a two person job. I have to say Frankston Hospital gets a bad wrap, but when you're in labour at 34 weeks you have no choice but to go there. I honestly found the staff and the facilities wonderful. Every midwife I had was totally awsome - especially Jasna. They were all so caring, and so loving when I just blubbered all over them.

Wednesday [4 days old] Amelia just curled up like this to sleep and looked just so delicious that I had to take her photo.

Friday [6 days old] sucking her dummy :) Yay, sucking reflex kicking in.

Saturday morning [1 week old]. She's been tolerating her tube feeds so the IV is out and she's even dressed! To give you an idea of her size, that's a face washer under her head.

He so badly wanted a baby sister. He fell in love with her instantly. Mum and Dad walked in just as they were putting her in the open cot and mum said the expression on Liam's face was amazing. She said you could just see that he fell in love with her.

While Liam had touched her head and stroked her leg while she'd been in her Isolette, Ethan didn't want to touch her. He didn't like the wires and tubes and was scared he'd hurt her (regardless of how much we told him it was ok). He'd said when she was in the other cot like the other babies he'd touch her. So here is his first touch of his new baby sister.

Her first bath... and the first time Brett had held her. She loved it. She stretched out and was so relaxed. Even when she came out to be dried she didn't cry. I've bearly heard her cry actually. Although her nurses at RCH tell me she sounds like a lamb. Of course they know what her cry sounds like because they are forever shocking her, or jabbing her with something :(

Looking very jaundiced, and nothing like what she actually looks like. Weird how photos can look so different.

28.01.09 [2-4 days old]

2009-01-30T15:46:00.000-08:00

[2 days old] Sometimes it feels like we take a step forward, and then by the end of the day we just take that same step backwards. Amelia is doing well. She came off antibiotics on Tuesday (day 3) as they are satisfied there is no infection. She's been having blood tests that keep comming back clear. She's having 2ml milk an hour, and at the begining of each day it's fine, but by night she's either vomiting it back up, or when they asperate her tummy the feed before is still just sitting in there not being absorbed. So the cease feeding and the IV fluids go up again. Then the next day they start over and it all repeats itself. But Tuesday she apparently did a HUGE poo, which shows that her tummy may just be kicking into gear and starting to work.

[3 days old] Wednesday (day 4)
She did some bile-y vomits over night, and when they asperated her tummy the milk was still bile-y, which they said could have been a one off thing, or it could be a sign of a bowel obstruction. She had xrays to check for an obstruction, and they couldn't see one. They also said only a large one would show up on an xray.

[4 days old] Thursday (day 5)
I dropped the boys off at mums, so I could get to the hospital early to catch the peads doing their rounds. As I got there they told me they were just going to take her down for the Birium (sp) swallow test. Took about 10 minutes to get her isolette ready to leave the nursery to head down to radiology. All the computers, had to be unplugged and replugged into a transportable one. Just as they were ready to go they were told Occupational Health and Safetly won't let them move the Isolettes anymore and they had to transfer her into a transport one. Finally we were on our way. Up on the table for her Xray she looked SO TINY. They fed the dye through her nasel gastric tube and I watched the monitor as it filled her tummy. They told me the test would take about 45 minutes... maybe 1.5hours. They took three pics, and said 'right, were're done'. Asperated the dye from her tummy, flushed it out and packed her back up again. We got her back into her isolette and warmed her back up. She was COLD after her little excursion poor little darl. She slept peacefully (that's all she does really), while I waited for someone to tell me what they had seen. I knew they'd seen what they were looking for to be done within 5 minutes when they had originally said it would take at least 45. I had to wait for the doc to review it all. I headed back to mums for some lunch and to see the boys. After dinner we headed back in to get the results. I'd been stewing on it all afternoon. Had they seen an obstruction early on? They had mentioned reflux... was that all it was? Well finally we had some results. Yes it was reflux. They're starting her on feeds again tonight, and will start her on some zantac to help with the pain aswell. Also this morning when I went in I found her sucking her dummy!! Her nurse said her sucking reflex is kicking in which is fantastic. Hope it works on boobs too! There's so much milk in the freezer at hospital she pretty much has a shelf to herself. At least when she starts drinking it, they won't have to supliment with formula, so it should be more gentle on her tummy.

Some photos:

Minutes after delivery. I got to cuddle her for about 30 seconds and then she was whipped away by the pead to special care. Brett took these, while I was still 'busy' in the delivery room ;)

Preparing her isolette ready for her.

Struggling to breathe, and waiting to see if she can stay here, or has to be moved to Monash or Royal Childrens. Thankfully she picked up and didn't need to be transferred. We thought she looked so like Brett here with her beautiful big lips.

Day 2. She's 24hours old. She's not on oxygen anymore, and she's breathing well. They still don't want to add digestion to her yet as she's still working pretty hard just to breathe, so she's on IV fluids.

Sleeping peacefully. All of these pics were taken looking through the plastic of her isolette, hence the foggyness to some of them.

She can't have a bath yet, but she got a cot wash and a singlet put on! (small steps are big ones around here!)

My first cuddle... just a few minutes while her sheets were changed.

Her first feed. Not really the experience we were expecting the first feed to be like! However we were all excited aobut it, but it ended up being the next lot of hurdles she needed to jump, as by night time her feeds had been ceased and she was back on total IV fluids.

Can't wait till I can kiss those delicious toes!

Ouchies!! The IV is the one thing both Brett and I detest. Well besides the fact it's brilliant because it's keeping her alive, it takes 40 minutes to put it in, and she SCREAMS the entire time. And they resite it every 2 days. They first tried both wrists but couldn't get a vein, so it ended up in her right arm. Two days later it was in her left arm, then her foot. And it's in her wrist again now. And it makes handling her really difficult. It will be a happy happy day when she doesn't need it any more.

Her corner of the world.

I love the way they make her cot up. She looks so cozy. It's called nesting, and it's supposed to mimic being in the womb a bit more. She kind of has a bumber around her feet, so she feels some resistance there like she would if she was still on the inside. Bit hard to see in this pic, but she looks so cozy.

Surprise - She's here!!

2009-01-29T03:38:00.000-08:00

Amelia Kate Toland

6.26am 24th January 2009

2640g

(35 weeks gest)

I woke up at 3am Wednesday, suspicious that my waters might have broken... but in a bit of denial too. Took me an hour to decide that they actually had, and yes those pains are contractions Katie! I called the hospital and they wanted me in straight away as I was only 34 weeks, and hadn't had the group B strep swab done (it's done at 36 weeks). Went in and got checked over. Wasn't dialated at all which was good, but was having strong regular contractions. They thought she'd come that day, but hoped we could hold her in until 36 weeks. They started me on IV antibiotics as a precausion and took the swab. Told me only 1 in 800 swabs come back positive. So we waited, and waited and waited for the swab results to come back. I stayed in hospital on antibiotics. Friday afternoon we were waiting for the ok to go home on oral antibiotics and just come in each day for monitoring when at 4pm my midwife came in. "You're positive, Ob is on the way, you're having your baby now". Bit shocked over the whole thing we had about 2 mins to make some phone calls to check the kids were looked after and then it was on. They gave me the jell at 4.30pm and the drip went in at 11pm. Labour was pretty yuck. Not at all like the boys, which just felt so natural and right. Her's was scary. She had to be monitored every minute of labour. Her heartrate dropped very low quite a few times. I was told if she came out crying I could have a quick cuddle before she was taken away to Special Care. If she wasn't crying she'd just be taken. She did come out crying at 6.26am, and I got to have about a minute cuddle while they put the tags on her, but then they didn't like the way she was breathing and she was taken. Brett followed the peads up to the nursery and stayed with her while I was fixed up.She had chest Xrays, blood tests, IV antibiotics and IV fluids and glucose. My poor tiny darling was like a pin cushion wrapped up in wires. I went back to my room and slept for 2hours before being woken by the pead, saying they thought she had a problem with her lungs common in StrepB babies, where her lungs could collapse, and to prepare myself that she may be taken to Monash or Royal Childrens. Thankfully she did ok with the oxygen they could give her in her isolette and by the next morning they'd be able to get her back to regular air. Over 24hours had passed and I'd only touched her for those few short seconds in the begining, and Brett had not touched her at all. We felt so helpless, all we could do was sit by her isolette and watch her (and pray for her of course). There were wires, and tubes and computers and things beeping and alarms ringing and none of it made any sense to us. By lunchtime (Sunday) she was doing well, her breathing had picked up really well and they were happy with it. She was responding so quickly that they were fairly sure she didn't have the lung problem they'd originally suspected, but want to keep her on the AB's for 5 days as a precausion. They started to give her some colostrum I'd been expressing, via her nose tube (she can't suck yet). The first bit she tolerated well, but as the amount went up she she started to vomit more and more. So this morning (monday) it was decided to up her iv fluids again, and cut her milk intake back to 3ml every 2hrs. They say that it's just that her gut is too immature to tolerate the milk at the moment, and it's just a matter of waiting until she can tolerate it. They're still doing blood tests every day (well a few times a day really) and are watching how jaundiced she gets at the moment, and whether she'll need to go under lights as well.Late last night as I left my room to take her milk up to the nursery I ran into her nurse in the hallway comming to get me. My heart dropped that something was wrong with her, but she told me she'd come to see if I wanted to have a cuddle of her. As she put her in my arms I just burst into tears. To finally be able to hold her was just magic. Although she was still a tangle of wires and was connected to almost every piece of equipment in the room, it was so wonderful to be able to feel how soft her hair was, how smooth her skin is. To kiss her little forehead and smell her delicious baby scent. All the things I just took for granted with the boys.So as of a few hours ago... we're home... without our little girl. But I know that's just the way it has to be. She needs care that I just can't provide for her. (And I know there are a million other things that I've forgotten to include. Will add more piccies later.)

Found me :)

2009-01-27T20:36:00.000-08:00

So if you can see me, you've found my new home for a little while. Welcome :)
I was going to set the other blog to invited readers only, but there were so many that I thought I'd just try doing it this way for a while and see what happens. As we're trying to keep this one a bit private, can I just ask that you don't link this blog to yours.

Thanks heaps and I'll be back with updates on miss milly soon.