01.02.09

We had a brilliant day yesterday. We got into the hospital, and she'd been keeping down her milk (full feeds 32ml every 2 hours.) so the IV was out! She was dressed and we got to give her a bath and a cuddle. Brett cuddled her for the first time, and he also bathed her. Such a great day for her 1 week birthday. We floated home on cloud nine.

Then about 7pm the phone rang. Her heart rate had suddenly doubled and was beating around 300bpm. They took her and put ice on her head which is supposed to shock her, make her take a huge breath and return her heart to normal rythem. They had to do it 3 times before it worked, just as they were about to give her medication. They had to put the IV back in, and she's nil-by-mouth again. They did tests and took xrays and couldn't find anything wrong with her heart physically. They sent the test results through to Royal Childrens, who said they wanted her in there. So NETS ambulance were sent out and she was packed up and shipped off to the city. (While I obviously bawled my eyes out).

I'll update again later. We're heading off to the city now.

UPDATE: She's had another episode again at 10.30pm. 280bpm lasting 10 mins. (the first one lasted 55 mins) They shocked her with ice again and it came back to normal. She's wearing a halter monitor which will have recorded it, and they'll look at that in the morning and also do the ecg. I'm a bit shitty that no one bothered to call me, and I only find out because I call an hour later. I might be being a bit precious... but sometimes this motherhood stuff sucks. I hate that she is so far away from me, I feel so lost without her, and I'm having a big old sook about it.

Some photos:

Tuesday night [3 days old] giving my precious girl a cuddle, its a two person job. I have to say Frankston Hospital gets a bad wrap, but when you're in labour at 34 weeks you have no choice but to go there. I honestly found the staff and the facilities wonderful. Every midwife I had was totally awsome - especially Jasna. They were all so caring, and so loving when I just blubbered all over them.

Wednesday [4 days old] Amelia just curled up like this to sleep and looked just so delicious that I had to take her photo.

Friday [6 days old] sucking her dummy :) Yay, sucking reflex kicking in.

Saturday morning [1 week old]. She's been tolerating her tube feeds so the IV is out and she's even dressed! To give you an idea of her size, that's a face washer under her head.

He so badly wanted a baby sister. He fell in love with her instantly. Mum and Dad walked in just as they were putting her in the open cot and mum said the expression on Liam's face was amazing. She said you could just see that he fell in love with her.

While Liam had touched her head and stroked her leg while she'd been in her Isolette, Ethan didn't want to touch her. He didn't like the wires and tubes and was scared he'd hurt her (regardless of how much we told him it was ok). He'd said when she was in the other cot like the other babies he'd touch her. So here is his first touch of his new baby sister.

Her first bath... and the first time Brett had held her. She loved it. She stretched out and was so relaxed. Even when she came out to be dried she didn't cry. I've bearly heard her cry actually. Although her nurses at RCH tell me she sounds like a lamb. Of course they know what her cry sounds like because they are forever shocking her, or jabbing her with something :(

Looking very jaundiced, and nothing like what she actually looks like. Weird how photos can look so different.

28.01.09 [2-4 days old]

[2 days old] Sometimes it feels like we take a step forward, and then by the end of the day we just take that same step backwards. Amelia is doing well. She came off antibiotics on Tuesday (day 3) as they are satisfied there is no infection. She's been having blood tests that keep comming back clear. She's having 2ml milk an hour, and at the begining of each day it's fine, but by night she's either vomiting it back up, or when they asperate her tummy the feed before is still just sitting in there not being absorbed. So the cease feeding and the IV fluids go up again. Then the next day they start over and it all repeats itself. But Tuesday she apparently did a HUGE poo, which shows that her tummy may just be kicking into gear and starting to work.

[3 days old] Wednesday (day 4)
She did some bile-y vomits over night, and when they asperated her tummy the milk was still bile-y, which they said could have been a one off thing, or it could be a sign of a bowel obstruction. She had xrays to check for an obstruction, and they couldn't see one. They also said only a large one would show up on an xray.

[4 days old] Thursday (day 5)
I dropped the boys off at mums, so I could get to the hospital early to catch the peads doing their rounds. As I got there they told me they were just going to take her down for the Birium (sp) swallow test. Took about 10 minutes to get her isolette ready to leave the nursery to head down to radiology. All the computers, had to be unplugged and replugged into a transportable one. Just as they were ready to go they were told Occupational Health and Safetly won't let them move the Isolettes anymore and they had to transfer her into a transport one. Finally we were on our way. Up on the table for her Xray she looked SO TINY. They fed the dye through her nasel gastric tube and I watched the monitor as it filled her tummy. They told me the test would take about 45 minutes... maybe 1.5hours. They took three pics, and said 'right, were're done'. Asperated the dye from her tummy, flushed it out and packed her back up again. We got her back into her isolette and warmed her back up. She was COLD after her little excursion poor little darl. She slept peacefully (that's all she does really), while I waited for someone to tell me what they had seen. I knew they'd seen what they were looking for to be done within 5 minutes when they had originally said it would take at least 45. I had to wait for the doc to review it all. I headed back to mums for some lunch and to see the boys. After dinner we headed back in to get the results. I'd been stewing on it all afternoon. Had they seen an obstruction early on? They had mentioned reflux... was that all it was? Well finally we had some results. Yes it was reflux. They're starting her on feeds again tonight, and will start her on some zantac to help with the pain aswell. Also this morning when I went in I found her sucking her dummy!! Her nurse said her sucking reflex is kicking in which is fantastic. Hope it works on boobs too! There's so much milk in the freezer at hospital she pretty much has a shelf to herself. At least when she starts drinking it, they won't have to supliment with formula, so it should be more gentle on her tummy.

Some photos:

Minutes after delivery. I got to cuddle her for about 30 seconds and then she was whipped away by the pead to special care. Brett took these, while I was still 'busy' in the delivery room ;)

Preparing her isolette ready for her.

Struggling to breathe, and waiting to see if she can stay here, or has to be moved to Monash or Royal Childrens. Thankfully she picked up and didn't need to be transferred. We thought she looked so like Brett here with her beautiful big lips.

Day 2. She's 24hours old. She's not on oxygen anymore, and she's breathing well. They still don't want to add digestion to her yet as she's still working pretty hard just to breathe, so she's on IV fluids.

Sleeping peacefully. All of these pics were taken looking through the plastic of her isolette, hence the foggyness to some of them.

She can't have a bath yet, but she got a cot wash and a singlet put on! (small steps are big ones around here!)

My first cuddle... just a few minutes while her sheets were changed.

Her first feed. Not really the experience we were expecting the first feed to be like! However we were all excited aobut it, but it ended up being the next lot of hurdles she needed to jump, as by night time her feeds had been ceased and she was back on total IV fluids.

Can't wait till I can kiss those delicious toes!

Ouchies!! The IV is the one thing both Brett and I detest. Well besides the fact it's brilliant because it's keeping her alive, it takes 40 minutes to put it in, and she SCREAMS the entire time. And they resite it every 2 days. They first tried both wrists but couldn't get a vein, so it ended up in her right arm. Two days later it was in her left arm, then her foot. And it's in her wrist again now. And it makes handling her really difficult. It will be a happy happy day when she doesn't need it any more.

Her corner of the world.

I love the way they make her cot up. She looks so cozy. It's called nesting, and it's supposed to mimic being in the womb a bit more. She kind of has a bumber around her feet, so she feels some resistance there like she would if she was still on the inside. Bit hard to see in this pic, but she looks so cozy.

Surprise - She's here!!

Amelia Kate Toland

6.26am 24th January 2009

2640g

(35 weeks gest)


I woke up at 3am Wednesday, suspicious that my waters might have broken... but in a bit of denial too. Took me an hour to decide that they actually had, and yes those pains are contractions Katie! I called the hospital and they wanted me in straight away as I was only 34 weeks, and hadn't had the group B strep swab done (it's done at 36 weeks). Went in and got checked over. Wasn't dialated at all which was good, but was having strong regular contractions. They thought she'd come that day, but hoped we could hold her in until 36 weeks. They started me on IV antibiotics as a precausion and took the swab. Told me only 1 in 800 swabs come back positive. So we waited, and waited and waited for the swab results to come back. I stayed in hospital on antibiotics. Friday afternoon we were waiting for the ok to go home on oral antibiotics and just come in each day for monitoring when at 4pm my midwife came in. "You're positive, Ob is on the way, you're having your baby now". Bit shocked over the whole thing we had about 2 mins to make some phone calls to check the kids were looked after and then it was on. They gave me the jell at 4.30pm and the drip went in at 11pm. Labour was pretty yuck. Not at all like the boys, which just felt so natural and right. Her's was scary. She had to be monitored every minute of labour. Her heartrate dropped very low quite a few times. I was told if she came out crying I could have a quick cuddle before she was taken away to Special Care. If she wasn't crying she'd just be taken. She did come out crying at 6.26am, and I got to have about a minute cuddle while they put the tags on her, but then they didn't like the way she was breathing and she was taken. Brett followed the peads up to the nursery and stayed with her while I was fixed up.She had chest Xrays, blood tests, IV antibiotics and IV fluids and glucose. My poor tiny darling was like a pin cushion wrapped up in wires. I went back to my room and slept for 2hours before being woken by the pead, saying they thought she had a problem with her lungs common in StrepB babies, where her lungs could collapse, and to prepare myself that she may be taken to Monash or Royal Childrens. Thankfully she did ok with the oxygen they could give her in her isolette and by the next morning they'd be able to get her back to regular air. Over 24hours had passed and I'd only touched her for those few short seconds in the begining, and Brett had not touched her at all. We felt so helpless, all we could do was sit by her isolette and watch her (and pray for her of course). There were wires, and tubes and computers and things beeping and alarms ringing and none of it made any sense to us. By lunchtime (Sunday) she was doing well, her breathing had picked up really well and they were happy with it. She was responding so quickly that they were fairly sure she didn't have the lung problem they'd originally suspected, but want to keep her on the AB's for 5 days as a precausion. They started to give her some colostrum I'd been expressing, via her nose tube (she can't suck yet). The first bit she tolerated well, but as the amount went up she she started to vomit more and more. So this morning (monday) it was decided to up her iv fluids again, and cut her milk intake back to 3ml every 2hrs. They say that it's just that her gut is too immature to tolerate the milk at the moment, and it's just a matter of waiting until she can tolerate it. They're still doing blood tests every day (well a few times a day really) and are watching how jaundiced she gets at the moment, and whether she'll need to go under lights as well.Late last night as I left my room to take her milk up to the nursery I ran into her nurse in the hallway comming to get me. My heart dropped that something was wrong with her, but she told me she'd come to see if I wanted to have a cuddle of her. As she put her in my arms I just burst into tears. To finally be able to hold her was just magic. Although she was still a tangle of wires and was connected to almost every piece of equipment in the room, it was so wonderful to be able to feel how soft her hair was, how smooth her skin is. To kiss her little forehead and smell her delicious baby scent. All the things I just took for granted with the boys.So as of a few hours ago... we're home... without our little girl. But I know that's just the way it has to be. She needs care that I just can't provide for her. (And I know there are a million other things that I've forgotten to include. Will add more piccies later.)

Found me :)

So if you can see me, you've found my new home for a little while. Welcome :)
I was going to set the other blog to invited readers only, but there were so many that I thought I'd just try doing it this way for a while and see what happens. As we're trying to keep this one a bit private, can I just ask that you don't link this blog to yours.

Thanks heaps and I'll be back with updates on miss milly soon.